All the Akatsuki's are Gay
by HyperRyu-chan69
Summary: Written as a farse . Description inside. Selfexplanitory . Angst and Humor. Rated M for Yaoi . nuff said! READ ME! and REVIEW!


_**All the Akatsuki's are gay . I'm sure we can all agree upon this ; If you have a sense of humor, that is. I don't mean to be rude but, people , Deidara is a boy. If I read one more story calling him a 'she' …I'm gonna inject crystal-meth into my thigh and go cave man on you! I mean this as non-offensively as possible. But dude, come on… he's a guy. duh . I'm sorry…yesh . Onto the story! Some person wrote a story about pissing off the Akatsuki's and mentioned that it should be written that they are all gay. I decided to do this. I apologize. Slightly OOC-ness . Rated M for obvious yaoi . You don't like? Don't read, don't flame. **_

_**Just review . REVIEW!!! I tried….. **_

_**Unless hell has frozen over, I do not own naruto….**_

_**All the Akatsuki's are Gay Chapter 1: Itachi Uchiha**_

Itachi had known since childhood that he was gay . He's effeminacy was probably the most obvious factor of his non-heterosexuality. He always had his suspicions and doubts , but while his other classmates chased girls on the playground , he would quietly slip away with the latest issue of CosmoGirl. It was obvious, even to him. Growing up with sasuke had been his most liberating experience. While their peers would sit and fantasize about girls , the two Uchiha brothers would stay at home, flipping through the monthly Chippendales calendar , experimenting and educating one another. And , when he was 14 , Itachi came out to his parents.

" Mom , Dad …I want you to sit down a minute"

The elder uchiha's took a seat on the couch , sasuke sat on the floor , while Itachi paced the floor.

He spoke calmly and without fear : though he hesitated . His face a mask of rationality.

" Mom , dad ..I know ..that growing up , you had certain 'expectations' of me, but..I'm gay "

His mother hid her face and shed a few soft tears. His father jumped to his feet pinning Itachi against the wall.

"what do you mean you're gay?! There's no way! You're just a kid. It's a phase; it'll pass"

With all the strength behind his ANBU status , Itachi pushed his father away from him , keeping a stoic mask.

"it's not a phase father , and if you can't accept me, than that is your problem"

Itachi started for his room.

" you are…no son of mine!" his father whispered venomously.

Sasuke glared slightly , fearing the day he would have to come out, and followed behind his brother.

That same night , Itachi was to massacre his unforgiving family.

_**6969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696969696**_

Once he had joined the Akatsuki , Itachi felt a sort of weight lifted from his shoulders .There he met:

_**Kisame**- monster of the hidden mist village. _

_**Deidara**-Explosion Nin of the rock Village Iwa . _

_**Sasori**-Puppet Master of the Sand , _

_and **Zetsu** the cannibal._

Then of course, there were the nicknames Itachi would never call them to their faces, for fear of being obliterated on the spot.

_**Kisame**Fish Face _

_**Deidara** the Akatsuki pansy_

_**Sasori** Pinocchio _

And of course_**, Zetsu** the penis fly-trap._

Itachi found each quality of his comrades interestingly hilarious. He liked each of them for different reasons.

He liked the way deidara pouted , his full , soft lips glistening slightly, begging to be taken. He likes the way deidara clings to him , the noises he makes , the feel of his soft blond hair , his one beautiful blue eye. He likes that he is seme. He likes deidara's soft skin against his own.

He adores the way Sasori acts like he doesn't need him. He enjoys the odd sensation of soft metal shrapnel , plastics and wooden body parts that collide with his own flesh limbs. He enjoys the shock of red hair framing the inevitably youthful face. He loves the vacant look about Sasori's face after sex. He likes that fact that Sasori won't hold back.

He likes Kisame roughness . He likes how ,despite the horrible irony , Kisame is like an animal. He likes the feeling of rough skin grinding against him . He likes that even if they sleep together on a mission , they can wake up the next morning , like nothing happened. He doesn't even mind being uke.

He likes that Zetsu isn't human. It's erotic in a sick sense. He likes contemplating how Zetsu came to be, as he runs a hand along the sharp edge of the plant. He likes how Zetsu will make him bleed, just to satisfy Itachi's masochistic side . He likes wondering how he came to sleeping with such an inhumane person. He likes the danger.

Itachi likes being able to a different sort of relationship with each of them .He likes the time they share , however brief ; even while they aren't in bed. He enjoys talking with deidara, watching him make clay birds and blowing them up , the blond smiling at each result. He likes star-gazing in the silence with Sasori , watching him work on a broken joint or a new puppet. He likes going to the springs with Kisame, enjoying a glass of sake. He likes taking walks with Zetsu , watching as Zetsu eagerly identifies different plants and ,especially, flowers he likes. Sometimes, he will even pick a few, sticking one or two behind Itachi's ear ; remarking at the beauty.

Itachi likes how they are different around each other ; how Itachi got to know a new side to each of them. Deidara is a lonely striving artist . Sasori is a misunderstood, shy genius. Kisame is an ugly piece of art , tossed out to be forgotten. Zetsu is a cannibal with a sensitive heart.

They all had it in common , whether or not they would ever admit it. They each needed Itachi in a way . They were all lonely . Yet, it's why they didn't need him in the first place.

_**End Chapter 1 **_

_**Fin**_

_**Owari**_

_**Muahaha . I tried . I was trying to make it funny , but then it got kind of serious. Haha . nyah , I did what I could. REVIEW!!!! Or, I won't give you another chapter! Next chapter is deidara .woop. I love you all! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! (shameless begging) butt-sex. No flames!!! BAD! NO FLAMES! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_**Au Revoir !!**_


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